"You always feel ashamed that someone could be that important and that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. Then when it’s over, it’s gone, you almost wish you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you can have the good…"
Caught up in a unknown universe, hanging out with old time friends. Sharing old stories, laughters, beers, foods. Savouring the old school moment of being w/ old time folks, It was no ordinary day, it was somehow magical. Standing in a crowded room when that first gazed came up and that certain little universe became suspended and the first few words uttered were… “So ikaw pla un!” And from then on… smile never leaves thy face, it became a known-wishful companion.
"You can’t change everything in one night.. but one night can change everything."
Guarded by walls, it was never an easy start. You needed someone to talk with and somewhere to rest emotionally as you had just been drove into a circles. The innocent fun of one astonishing sms started it all… and the rest became history. It was like a gamble. Testing the water. Peeking through the door.. Taking the risk. Not knowing where it was heading. Carefully taking every little steps not to stumble.. not to be attached and fall head first and ended with a broken dreams but at the same time just going through with the flow. Enjoying every moment of the furtive conversations, it became addicting that even a thousand miles and phone bills didn't matter. Some things grew beautifully and gradually without a hitch. A freedom pattern.
"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep on going."
Falling into something and being caught at the bottom off guard without a warn, some “thing” exists which can no longer deny. It was something that was both acknowledged. “Some thing” magical was found in such ways which many people don't. And there it was.. the so called game “love” was played... in full time. Falling in love is like jumping off a really tall building, your brain tells you its not a good idea, but your heart tells you.. you can fly. Whatever "that was", just happened. Somehow, someway it happened for a reason. The feelings brought smile from day one and onwards and stayed for months.
"They say people come and go. But the truth is, no one really disappears from your life. People never really leave.. their roles just change."
But like any friendship or love, relationships usually starts of well.. then slowly starts to fall apart. Leaves turn to wither, the summer breeze became autumn and eventually turns into winter. What was something good and sweet eventually became sour and bitter. The sneaking messages and phone calls became rare and history. No matter how much you hold on to the present and savour every single moment, one way or another.. some things will come in the way and the next thing you'll know you're left breathless from the aspiration of being hopeful for something desirable to happen. It's when the questions starts to mingle and replaces wishful thinkings.
You'll start to question why and why not to no avail and comparisons can no longer be shunned away. The "okay" means "not okay anymore" and you're just helping for excuses to let things pass by. Perhaps the hardest part about accepting the saying “everything happens for a reason" is waiting for that reason to come along for nothing hurts more than the waiting is when you don't even know what you're still waiting for. A wrong relationship will make you feel more alone than when you were single. And the scariest part of being loved by someone… is the uncertainty that they may stop anytime they would want to and worst.. stopped because they're in love with someone else and that's not you.
"Don’t trust too much. Don’t love too much. Don’t hope too much. Because that 'too much'.. can eventually hurt you so much."
We can never choose to whom our heart would beat but we can always choose the people we would want to stay on it. Everybody deserves someone who makes them look forward to tomorrow. Someone who knows how to appreciate things without expecting anything in return. Efforts and perseverance won't hurt that much but when the effort you put into the relationship is greater than the enjoyment you receive from it, then the clock ticks for a second thoughts. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there and wait for something to happen. Sometimes we have to learn how to stop standing on the line between giving up and seeing how much more we can give. Cause at times people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons, but they just know that things will get worse if they would stay. Pain is inevitable.. but knowing when to stop being hurt is an option.
"If someone does not see you in their future.. maybe it's time for you to put them in the past."
No matter how much you feel for a person, there will come a time when you will have to choose between turning the page and closing the book. It's not that you're weak or you failed.. or you are giving up for giving up is sacrificing what was rightfully yours. I'm just hoping and thinking about what's best while struggling hard to let go and seek to forget what was.. never mine coz sadly indeed.. we found love in a hopeless place.